What time to say “I love you”?

I hear that question a lot. They’ve been dating for a while. He even met his parents and vice versa, but saying the three magic words feels like childbirth. After all, why is it so hard to say “I love you”?

In fact, in Portuguese this phrase has too strong an effect. It was given an extremely romantic and extremely heavy connotation for the three little words. If you overhear any conversation in English, you will find that saying “I love you” is a natural thing that friends say to friends from the first day they meet. Here, it is almost a guarantee of eternal love.

And it’s not. It is not because I love someone today that I will love forever. This is because of the heart, the emotions, not the head, the rational. The impression is that if I say “I love you” I will be in a firm and eternal commitment to each other, which is not even true.

After all, what is it to love someone? The other day a friend gave me a definition, which she heard from another friend, about this thing of when to say I love you in a relationship. She said that if the person does you good, if the moment is good and if you want to continue with those moments, at least for now, that is already love . Why does love have to be something so big and strong? Why don’t we recognize the different types and intensities of love? Because attraction, wanting to be together and talk is already love. If it’s going to last a night or a lifetime, it’s another five hundred.

Also read “Map of love: which astral houses talk about your relationships?”

It is interesting because the difficulty is not only to say in love relationships, but also to those close to you. Father, mother, children, brothers. That’s where the big problem comes in: saying that you love someone exposes your vulnerabilities. And nobody wants to look vulnerable to anyone.

Deep down it is a matter of pride. If he knows that I love him, he will use it in the worst way. It will gloat over me. Do you know when we are children and someone starts with that “you’re dating, kissed on the mouth” game or the “who will it be” birthday cake with? Yes, embarrassment. We go through this embarrassment because, when we talk about love, in front of everyone, we feel ashamed and vulnerable.

So what’s the solution?

First, work on the fact that, yes, we are vulnerable beings. And possibly loving someone is a vulnerability. But to be vulnerable is not to be weak, quite the opposite.

Love, loving, leaves no one weaker. Quite the opposite. How many stories of overcoming happened because of the love that someone felt for someone else – children, friends, lovers? How many mothers work 12 hours a day for their children? How many parents put up with bosses or unbearable jobs for love? Not to miss anything? There is no weakness in loving. Just force. 

So, the second step is to learn to say. Open your mouth and say. When are you going to hang up the phone. When you’re making love. When to send a message. But remember that love needs to be something that was really awakened in you, out of admiration for the other, for example. Think, feel good before saying and, when you know it is love, send it.